To ensure that all I've done won't end up a lie. I don't want to talk big game to people, then run away when it matters the most. This is a wall I must overcome on my own. If there's anything I want to change, I have to change myself. If I must become evil to defeat evil, I will become the devil himself. That's all to it.
All I ever gained from abandoning something and running away were regrets I couldn't do anything about, and a version of myself that could only resent others. If I come to hate myself, even living becomes a sin. Remorse alone will become my punishment. That's why I've decided to take action of my own free will, so I'll never have the same regrets again.
I don't like sparklers all that much. It burns so beautifully for just a little while and when it's done, only black cinders remain. It's like a misbegotten life and it makes me feel lonely for no good reason.