CategoriesCasual Discussions Users List Who is Online

So... ummm

5 years ago
The Watchcat
Offline
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 63
Nicollynee said:
I think If I was to edit this, I would make some slight changes to

SPOILER (show)


A dream is a long-term goal. Your dream could be to travel all around the world. Or it could be to become a successful businessman or woman. A dream is something or somewhere you want to be in the future. A dream and a goal are quite similar, but goals are smaller than dreams. Goals guide you to your dream. Your dream is the final destination. Without a dream, you cannot have goals. Why? Let me give you an example. Lets say your dream is to become a successful businessman. You would then set goals for yourself. Your first goal would be to graduate from high school, then from university and so on. Dreams help you create goals; goals help you reach your dream.

Everyone should have a dream. Without a dream, you wouldn't set up goals for yourself, even if you did, you'll soon realize it's all pointless; Since A Goal without Destination is like Sailing without a compass, meaning it's pointless and won't get you anywhere. Without goals, you cannot go anywhere in life. It is the same as trying to go somewhere without knowing what or where that somewhere is. It is very confusing. Life without goals and dreams are confusing. The most influential people on earth have all had dreams; Martin Luther King’s was to see America united, no longer biased against Negros. Abraham Lincoln dreamt of being a hero for America.

I have a Dream.

To fellow students and respected teachers, my dream is to become one of the richest people on earth and change the world as it is right now. Money is power. Money gets you respect in this world. The richer you are, the more likely you are to be able to influence people. My dream is to be one of the richest people on earth and build houses for the poor. I want to help those in need, build more Masjids and research centres to return Islam to its golden days. I want to change everyone’s views on Islam. I want people to see Islam as a peaceful religion that teaches it’s followers how to live their lives. I don’t want people to see us as a violent religion, I don’t want them to see Islam as ISIS, I want to make them look at us and think: Muslims are amazing. They care about everyone. They care about peace. My dream, is to become one of the richest people on earth so that I can change the world. That is my dream. What do you guys dream of?

I only shifted your "I have a Dream" and overwrite those that are bolded




Are you time-constraint on your speech? Or it's like Show to Impress kind? I do think you're missing out on a lot of points, do you want me to fully edit your speech? (Like a lot, and it's kinda short and summarized, I've just rewrote some that sound kinda off)

I can personally help you write one of course with your dreams inside as well, with reference to your blueprint, but if so I'd need the topic. Is the full topic "I have a dream"? Because if that was to be the case, then I think You did not incorporate Goals and Dreams well in the first paragraph, it seemed vague in a sense that everything does not have enough information around it.

And for your "Dream of being the richest man", I think it would be better if you first say how and what you're going to do to get there, before saying why you want to get there.
And finally ending it off by saying that "That is why I'm so determined and motivated to get to my destination, no matter how hard it seem to be, even the odds are against me, because I believe in Myself and know I can do it, because this is MY DREAM"

Opps, I've wrote too much, please don't feel insulted or anything >< I'm just helping lol, if I'm a menace to you then I'd zip my mouth already :X

But overall speaking It's all right, the speech should be good enough to go if you want it short and simple xD

ive got a 5-8 minute limit for the speech, i'd rather not do it as a Show to Impress. the full topic is yh, I have a dream. Could you explain what it is that is vague? im not really good at stuff like this i guess. I'll change it a bit more then, and add how and what im going to do to get there. anyways, u hvnt insulted me at all, more like helped me XD. thanks for your help :)
5 years ago
Moderator
Offline
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 108
A dream is a something far away and is not achieve within a day or two, like the Rome wasn't build in a day, it can also be somewhat impossible to reach it, you can get ever closer to your dream, however, never touching it. It's like the Math love story of the Asymptote lines. Where they can get very close, but never being able to reach one another. But still, this does not mean that every dream out there is unreachable. Like what they say, aim for the Moon, even if you fall, you'll land amongst the star.

Now what's your dream? I'm sure everyone has one. Be it to travel the world or two, taste good food all day long, or even become a successful business persona. A dream is nothing more than what you want to be in the future. Dreams and Goals are quite similar, they are like two sides of the same coin, however, not opposing one another, but rather, you help out one another to achieve even greater heights. Goals guide you to your dream. Your dream is the final destination. Having this said, you won't be able to have something called a Dream if you don't have a Goal to work for. Why? Let me give you an example. Lets say your dream is to become a successful businessman. You would then set goals for yourself. Your first goal would probably be to graduate from high school, then from university and so on. But worries not, there are also different routes you can take to reach your Dream. Dreams help you create goals; goals help you reach your dream.

Everyone should have a dream. Without a dream, you wouldn't set up goals for yourself, even if you did, you'll soon realize it's all pointless; Since A Goal without Destination is like Sailing without a compass, meaning it's pointless and won't get you anywhere. Without goals, you can't get anywhere in life. It is the same as trying to get somewhere knowing where it is, but not knowing how to get there. Life without goals and dreams are confusing. The most influential people on earth have all had dreams; Martin Luther King’s was to see America united, no longer biased against Negros. Abraham Lincoln dreamt of being a hero for America.

I have a Dream.

To fellow students and respected teachers, my dream is to become one of the richest people on earth and change the world as it is right now.

(INSERT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS)

Money is power. Money gets you respect in this world. The richer you are, the more likely you are to be able to influence people. My dream is to be one of the richest people on earth and build houses for the poor. I want to help those in need, build more Masjids and research centres to return Islam to its golden days. I want to change everyone’s views on Islam. I want people to see Islam as a peaceful religion that teaches it’s followers how to live their lives. I don’t want people to see us as a violent religion, I don’t want them to see Islam as ISIS, I want to make them look at us and think: Muslims are amazing. They care about everyone. They care about peace. My dream, is to become one of the richest people on earth so that I can change the world.

That is why I'm so determined and motivated to get to my destination, no matter how hard it seem to be, even the odds are against me, because I believe in Myself and know I can do it, because this is MY DREAM.
What do you guys dream to be as? I'm pretty sure everyone has one, but don't worry if you find it unreachable, like what I said, there's not only 1 stagnant route to your dream, even if you did not make it properly, you might even land amongst the stars! And I believe this quote can help anyone of you to get motivated and achieve your dreams. "I may be a slow walker, I fall and stumble, but I'll never walk backwards"

Thanks for your kind attention and time.


I just twerk your passage a little, see how's it. ;D
You can twerk a little here and there if you find it's not good.


Modified by Nicollynee, 5 years ago
5 years ago
The Watchcat
Offline
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 63
Nicollynee said:
A dream is a something far away and is not achieve within a day or two, like the Rome wasn't build in a day, it can also be somewhat impossible to reach it, you can get ever closer to your dream, however, never touching it. It's like the Math love story of the Asymptote lines. Where they can get very close, but never being able to reach one another. But still, this does not mean that every dream out there is unreachable. Like what they say, aim for the Moon, even if you fall, you'll land amongst the star.

Now what's your dream? I'm sure everyone has one. Be it to travel the world or two, taste good food all day long, or even become a successful business persona. A dream is nothing more than what you want to be in the future. Dreams and Goals are quite similar, they are like two sides of the same coin, however, not opposing one another, but rather, you help out one another to achieve even greater heights. Goals guide you to your dream. Your dream is the final destination. Having this said, you won't be able to have something called a Dream if you don't have a Goal to work for. Why? Let me give you an example. Lets say your dream is to become a successful businessman. You would then set goals for yourself. Your first goal would probably be to graduate from high school, then from university and so on. But worries not, there are also different routes you can take to reach your Dream. Dreams help you create goals; goals help you reach your dream.

Everyone should have a dream. Without a dream, you wouldn't set up goals for yourself, even if you did, you'll soon realize it's all pointless; Since A Goal without Destination is like Sailing without a compass, meaning it's pointless and won't get you anywhere. Without goals, you can't get anywhere in life. It is the same as trying to get somewhere knowing where it is, but not knowing how to get there. Life without goals and dreams are confusing. The most influential people on earth have all had dreams; Martin Luther King’s was to see America united, no longer biased against Negros. Abraham Lincoln dreamt of being a hero for America.

I have a Dream.

To fellow students and respected teachers, my dream is to become one of the richest people on earth and change the world as it is right now.

(INSERT HOW ARE YOU GOING TO ACHIEVE YOUR DREAMS)

Money is power. Money gets you respect in this world. The richer you are, the more likely you are to be able to influence people. My dream is to be one of the richest people on earth and build houses for the poor. I want to help those in need, build more Masjids and research centres to return Islam to its golden days. I want to change everyone’s views on Islam. I want people to see Islam as a peaceful religion that teaches it’s followers how to live their lives. I don’t want people to see us as a violent religion, I don’t want them to see Islam as ISIS, I want to make them look at us and think: Muslims are amazing. They care about everyone. They care about peace. My dream, is to become one of the richest people on earth so that I can change the world.

That is why I'm so determined and motivated to get to my destination, no matter how hard it seem to be, even the odds are against me, because I believe in Myself and know I can do it, because this is MY DREAM.
What do you guys dream to be as? I'm pretty sure everyone has one, but don't worry if you find it unreachable, like what I said, there's not only 1 stagnant route to your dream, even if you did not make it properly, you might even land amongst the stars! And I believe this quote can help anyone of you to get motivated and achieve your dreams. "I may be a slow walker, I fall and stumble, but I'll never walk backwards"

Thanks for your kind attention and time.


I just twerk your passage a little, see how's it. ;D
You can twerk a little here and there if you find it's not good.



Thanks Nico sensei :D I've re-made my speech, though i still think i might change it up a bit later. i decided not to add the part "Thats why im so determined till because this is my dream", since i doubt i could say that with actual emotion. Pls pray that my speech is alright :P not really the type of person who likes talking in front of people :P
5 years ago
Moderator
Offline
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 108
Don't fret it. Yep just twerk it to your preference tho. Same here. I just refuse to communicate with other people around me and I don't know why. Anyways. Good luck for your speech then
5 years ago
The Watchcat
Offline
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 63
finally finished with the speech (did it yesterday) :) turned out alright i guess. thank you very much Nico sensei and ishi sensei and assassin :)


12



You have to be signed in to post on the forums.